Humid Night

Humid night,

the kind that makes you aware that you're wearing a shirt

but wish you weren't.

Perched atop a concrete pier on the edge of a continent.

The ocean further back than it normally is during these reflective moments

yet it inches closer, ever closer

with each curl of foamy waves,

visiable only because of ambient light,

the calming glow of a crescent moon,

a single line of stars and planets above

and the bobbing spotlights of fishing boats beyond.

A nascent breeze I pretend to be cool.

Cool soothes me better.

A paper cup brimming with hot coffee

is my only companion.

I drink it despite the humidity and heat

out of habit or comfort perhaps.

Its’ caffeine destroys my headache.

The snapping and popping of fireworks go off behind me

though obscured from view.

I walked along the waters’ edge earlier,

to see if I could find a chill and contemplate the evil

that I'm told lurks and surrounds.

Thought too of who

would jump in and swim,

if they were here.

Blind to the dolphins and seals

and the things that pursue them.

And I thought for a moment

about joining the waves

in hopes of finding my soul.

Foolish perhaps.

I may still be carrying it.

Or it could be buried

a treasure amongst the rocks and mica speckled sand.

Such great fortune.

So aware of divine gifts

yet shackled by my own devices

or by an unseen but well known nemesis.

Angels surround me, of that I'm sure

but they're limits may be tested.

Their wings weary from flight.

‘Tis I who now must stand,

and fly and fight.

Hello there evil, come from the shadows

you needn’t lurk anymore

for I now know you and will defeat you

today and evermore.

I Hate What You Do to Me

Such sweet words, such sweet times

can’t be sure which ones are just lines

to keep me here at bay

while you wonder your time away

Lots of stars in evening skies

but one true light that sees me through

not always there the way I wish

but you’ve got a gift with the things you do.

And though the love can’t be denied

the proclamations do subside.

Not a fan of boundaries or control.

Like my yes’s more than no’s.

But you cross each line

that you make me draw.

And leave me to wonder,

what the hell did I draw that for?

You build me up

when I need it most.

Then you kick me down

and start to boast.

Proud of how independent you are

and proud to be an adult

with your selfish ways.

Guess you think love is a net

that catches you when you fall.

But you spread it out in a way that tangles me

and holds me down.

Never remember the conversations that we’ve had.

The times I tell you when some things make me feel bad

“Opps I’m sorry I never knew,

it’s just a thing I’m going through.”

And you know I’ll be here forever

and you know my love is strong

and you know my heart goes racing

every time you go off and do something wrong.

And you hate how I may judge you.

You’ve a different point of view.

But you fail to see

how you affect me

in everything you do.

Wonder when things will settle?

No, I know they won’t be the same.

Can’t go back to what was.

But can’t take anymore of this game.

Do I count at all for anything?

Does it matter not to you?

Am I just the security blanket to soothe

or a window you only look through?

Can’t you see how it destroys me?

Can’t feel the pain it brings?

You say you didn’t invite it

but you answer ever phone that rings.

You scream that I must trust you

as you feel your way through.

But your judgement has been broken

so what am I supposed to do?

Do a stand here idling

as you travel through your dreams?

Grin through the burden,

while I burst at the seam?

Then you ask me if I’m angry

for you really don’t understand me at all.

And I ask and plead and cough ‘till I bleed,

then say, “No, go ahead dear, have a ball”.